Not a Man to be Seen...

... except Matt. Apparently Matty will be watching Sex and the City this weekend instead of one of the more MANLY options available such as Indiana Jones. Enjoy being the only man in the theatre.

The New Indy

In movie news, Sean Mullin, a Korean national hero and hockey team 08, softball team 09 recruitee, has been cast to play Indiana Jones in the fourth installment of the blockbuster action series. Apparently the original Indiana Jones, Harrison Ford, at age 66 has simply become too old for the younger audiences to relate to and was challenged by the physical demands of the role.

Replacing the legendary actor who defined the Indy character will be no small task for Mullin, whose most notable previous hollywood accomplishment was dating Jennifer Garner. When asked why they cast Mullin over big name hollywood stars, George Lucas responded: "Well, our first priority was to get someone who could grow a beard so that immediately excluded Toby McGuire and Tom Cruise. Brad Pitt's agent said he was too busy looking at himself in the mirror and raising the 13 children he stole from developing countries so that really only left Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Matt turned down the role, citing moral disagreements or some other bullsh*t, while Ben was unable to read some of the more complicated words in the script. So, we settled on Sean because he looks good infront of the camera and we figured those long arms of his might make up for his lack of acting experience."

Steven Speilberg also added "Yeah, and his salary demands were quite reasonable. All he asked for was a lifetime supply of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer, fresh cheese every day he was on set and a breast to occasionally suckle. He's a very bizzare man but his enthusiasm for the things he loves is contageous. He spent hours the first time we met him expressing the joy that the Indiana Jones series brought him as a young boy growing up in the suburbs, recalling the finest of details in the movies that even George and myself had missed."

Graciously accepting the offer, Mullin excitedly declared: "Any proceeds from the movie or associated advertising campaigns will be donated back to the great team at the DML for helping to launch my acting career. Also, I would like to thank Doug and say hi Josh!"

Banyay awarded 2007-08 Scott's Turf Builder Award

Softball Team outfielder Szabolcs Banyay has been named the winner of the 2007-08 Scott's Turf Builder Award. The award recognizes Banyay's outstanding performance as a player, his landscaping skills and his dedication to humanitarian efforts.

"The truest test of leadership comes during periods of adversity," said Scott. "When presented with difficult times during the season, Szabolcs Banyay remained committed to his lawn, his girlfriend and if he had time, his teammates. I am honored to present the Scott's Turf Builder Award to Szabolcs Banyay. He understands the importance of his status in Toronto and his dedication to his backyard is unmatched. The strength of his character makes Sub a tremendous role model both on and off his lawn."

"I am honored and humbled to receive this prestigious award," said Banyay. "I thank Scott for this honor as well as my wheelbarrow and teammates for their tremendous support. I strongly believe that an important part of being an athlete is to be a great teammate, leader and landscaper."

Off the field, Banyay has been a member of the Softball Team organization since 2007 and a supporter of the Begin Fund, an organization committed to providing shelter for underprivileged morons in their late-20's.

On the field, Banyay leads the team with a 1.000 batting average and 2.200 Slugging Percentage for a ridiculous OPS of 3.200, and recently applied Scott's Turf Builder to the lawn in his backyard to help control pre- and post-emergent crabgrass.

http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=239104&lid=headline&lpos=topStory_main

Disturbing Mulloskey Art

Creepy Mullin Centaur

A truly disturbing statue we saw in St. Petersburg: A Mullin-like horse man fondles a young boy. His second victim in a week.

That Damn Birthday

The DML would like to take a second out of our extremely important lives to wish our honourary 4th member (and there will only ever be four), a very Happy Birthday.

May your day be filled with good times and bad times with your friends and enemies.

Looks like your friend Matty is about to wish you a Happy Birthday there.

Hi Josh!

Straight?

We're not sure of the origin of this picture, but we're quite confident that there's some handcuffs and lubricant in the vicinity.

Softball Team Stats

Now that "Softball Team" has broken all records and gone an astonishing 4-0 to begin the season, it is time to take a look at the statistics behind those wins.

Game 4 was not an easy game to win, having to come back from a 10-0 deficit to start the game really showed the grit and determination that those teammates possess. Reminds me of one Barry Bonds, who had that same grit and determination to break baseball's Home Run record while trying to balance a vigorous pharmacological ingestion schedule. Now that's dedication.

Ace and Gary to be ReConjoined

Separated at birth, Ace and Gary have decided after 29 years to undergo a dangerous surgery to be physically reattached. Doctors have confirmed that the complicated 8 hour operation will result in a unified and fully functioning brain, something neither Ace nor Gary has had access to since the separation. Although Softball teamates are concerned that this may affect the team's perfect start to the 2008 season, family and friends are overwhelmed with joy that the two will finally be together again. Said close friend Jorson Dydan: "If the miracle of modern medical science can reattach Ace and Gary again, then truly we can find peace in the middle east and end the suffering of children in the world."

Ace and Gary were unavailable for comment.

"We're Ugly and Stupid"

Happy Birthday Douchebag (aka Ace)

Korean Scouting Report

-Seoul, Korea-

Hockey Team 08 and Softball Team 09 prospect Sean Mullin was in fine form yesterday in local club action, shutting out the reigning champions, the Insadong Itaebitawongs. Mullin's Ansan Golden Showers took an early lead in game seven of the hardfought championship series and never looked back.

Said Mullin after the game to reporter and former child television celebrity Gary Coleman, "I would like to thank my fans for their undying support through some difficult times this year" referring to the untimely release of some provocative photos that landed him in deep trouble with the local media.

Mullin's athletic success has been attributed to excessive consumption of Pabst Blue Ribbon Honey Beer combined with a rare medical disorder that has left him with unparalleled arm length. According to teamates, he can basically touch anything within an eight foot radius (demontrated above as he unsuspectingly fondles Coleman).

His impressive wing span also earned him national attention this winter during a daring rescue from the freezing cold waters of lake Baikal, Mongolia. Mullin has since become a national hero in Korea, widely respected among bare-faced Koreans for his Jesus-like appearance and for dating Jennifer Garner behind Ben Affleck's back.

Contract negotiations will continue leading up to Mullin's return to Canada at the end of August.

Struggling Jays sign Banyay

The Toronto Blue Jays signed another player yesterday in an effort to spark their moribund offence.

The Jays picked up outfielder Szabolcs Banyay, who has never played at the Major League level before, and signed him to a two-way contract at the league minimum which is still more than he made working 80 hours a week at BMO.

His arrival could lead to either Shannon Stewart or a bullpen arm being demoted or designated for assignment. The Jays will face a roster crunch when shortstops David Eckstein and John McDonald recover from leg injuries and are activated from the 15-day disabled list.

"We're trying to make ourselves better, yeah, you've always got to do that," said Blue Jays manager John Gibbons, whose club ranked ninth in the American League in runs scored and tied for 10th in home runs heading into last night's game in Cleveland.

Gibbons said Banyay, 28 would likely spell left-fielder Stewart and designated hitter Matt Stairs, particularly against left-handed pitching. Banyay could also play first in place of Lyle Overbay, whom some believe are long lost twin-brothers that were separated at birth. "I thought Lyle was a weird looking dude and now we have a mini-clone of him walking around the clubhouse" said Vernon Wells, adding that "creepy" was the best way to describe their similar appearance.

When reached for comment, Mr. Banyay was quick to boldly declare "I'm going to be the best offensive player on the team this year and the stats will prove that". He also asked if his future mother-in-law would be allowed to accompany the team on roadtrips and if he could take days off to do yard work.

"I Chose Sod over Sports."

If you were over the age of 40, than your teammates would understand. Rolling grass on Saturday shouldn't mean skipping baseball on Sunday. You're a huge embarassing failure.

Softball Team Victorious

Coach Breech seen here with his adoring fans after the glorious Softball Team season opener on Sunday night.

The DML Russian Style

D and L sport funny Russian uniforms. I refused to to take off my favorite Jesus Mullin t-shirt.

Must be the Moustache

Doug. What a bully that guy is.

JB = Big Time Lawyer

Congratulations to the one and only Ms. Jen Brent (aka Amber Atkins aka Shelly) who is officially now a big time lawyer. The DML wishes you many years of litigious joys and triumphs ahead.

p.s. Your services may be called upon if our rival travel blog, "the Mulloskies" assuming that's their real name, keep stealing our interweb content.

This Pabst's For Sean

Big ups to the M in the DML for pointing out that the pointless genius that spews forth from my brain actually has some relevance to an ex boyfriend.

I remember those long lonely nights when all I had for comfort was a hairy Jesus-like man and his love of Pabst.

This one goes out to all you Pabst Blue Ribbon teddy bears out there.

What the Computer Sees

It's great stuff on the DML but don't get too close

Have Some Spare Time?

Come visit us on the DML and feed your addiction.

Can't get enough DML?

Don't worry, you're not alone.

Tan much?

The DML spies happened to catch one of the individuals pictured above at the tanning salon last week. Can you guess which one?

I'm no weather man or tanning expert, but here's a suggestion...the sun is free - go outside.

...and he might look like Jesus

Check out the incredible fresco painting we saw in Moscow recently. I didn't realize those disciples were so handsome and how much Jesus actually looks like Mullin. Blows my mind.