Welcome to Week 2 of "Nanners on the Bachelor", its a play on words. Even if you're not a fan of the show, or have never watched it, I can assure you that you'll find her elegant prose entertaining. I think we can also all agree that reading about some english dude trying to nail 25 broads is much more worthwhile than reading about China, foot massages and how Mullin is tall and weird looking. Enjoy.Just a few things to note from last nights episode.
Last night was group date night. Half of the girls were required to be in a fashion show for Matt while the other whores back at the house, found out they were going to Sin City with our charming Brit.
From the ladies stand point, this is an opportunity to show the Bachelor, your other lady friends of the house and millions of viewers the following.
a) You will definitely let him tongue you the first chance he gets such as Ashlee the scrony singer/songwriter from Florida….and you will never believe it….”. Ding Ding Ding we have a winner!….What do we have for her Johnny?” It’s the “I stuck my tongue in your throat and I will look like a dick if I send you home rose.”
b) Group dates are also another fabulous opportunity to show what a good singer you really are. After all music is the international language of love. Most North Americans sing to their dates to win them over. This is not a Bollywood film ladies. What the f*%k is up with these broads just belting out these love ballads that they have written themselves? Our creepy red headed friend wasn’t going to last long anyway, but she really put the nail in the coffin when she started singing somewhat of a Disney like creepy love song about him touching her. Note to self, when feeling the urge to belt out a creepy love ballad on my second date with a guy, I should probably hold off until at least the third date.
c) In addition to showing your abilities to sing and French kiss, you are also able to show the Bachelor and millions of viewers what a loose cannon you are. For example. Shayne the actress from Malibu gave a fantastic performance about wanting to leave and in fact pulled the Bachelor aside to address this matter as dramatically as possible. Although her pouting and temper tantrum seemed to be a turn off to just about everyone else watching, Matt decided to keep her around so he can get some solid ass before he sends her packing…she just seems like the type.
There was one pretty scary moment in last night’s episode. I think I became fearful when the Bachelor was alone with the token black broad. She kept hinting that she wanted a kiss but I was sincerely concerned that she may swallow him whole with that mouth of hers and this wack ass fashion designer would bring him back to Brooklyn with her. Matt trust me honey, you do not want to get all up in her grill. It was touch and go for a while there folks but no dice.
Last but not least we all love a good episode ending meltdown. Congrats goes out to our singing red head friend who was surprisingly not given a rose at last night’s ceremony. During her farewell meltdown to the producers after she got the boot, she openly admitted that she already had the “love of her life”…….Her cat. And I quote “I cannot wait to have her in between my legs again,” Yikes. It seems like to me that it will just be her and her purring pussy for a long time after that statement. Good luck on the dating scene.
Until next week bitches.
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