Mike Lawless - The Mailbag

Thanks in part to the overwhelming success of last year's Lawlepalooza interview, Mike decided to respond to some of the emails we've been receiving from everyone throughout the year. Believe it or not, these are actual questions from our friends.

Q - Why does everyone say that my girlfriend is cooler than me?
Dan S., Hungary

Lawless - Her command of the english language for starters.


Q - Do I really look like Ernie from Sesame Street?
M. Mulqueen, Toronto

Lawless - YES.

Q - Do you think everyone knows that I snuck out to go swimming shortly before the strippers showed up at my stag? (read: shrinkage)
Jordan L., Montreal

Lawless - That makes perfect sense. We've been secretly referring to you as the Anti-Mullin and George Costanza behind your back.


Q - What's the over/under on my husband having more hair in his nose and on his ass than on his head? 32 years old? 35?
K. Algate, Montreal

Lawless - Mine was 17.

Q - When Meatloaf sings "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)," do you think by that, he means buttfuck*ng?
J. Lunan, Montreal

Lawless - I doubt it. I can't imagine someone with the name Meatloaf hasn't taken a trip to Brown Town on occasion.

Q - My colleagues and I have a running game where we try and think of the creepiest thing you could say to a female co-worker that won't necessarily get you a visit from your good ole' HR rep. We came up with two stellar lines. The first is getting mildly close to your coworker and saying, "Did you change your shampoo?", and the other is looking them dead in the eye and saying, "Wow, you have a really pretty mouth."
J. Lunan, Montreal

Lawless - No comment.

Q - If I'm feeling ill, and I don't wash my hands after going to the bathroom, will someone in my office be more likely to contract my illness or herpes?
D. Begin, Toronto

Lawless - When did you start washing your hands after using the bathroom?


Q - With Jordan having retired from the hockey pool to focus on his marriage, who do you consider as the odds-on favourite to finally win?
K. Algate, Montreal

Lawless - Not Brook. Probably Mullin.

Q - Will this victory be tainted considering that Jordan did not participate and should the winning team be considered the Houston Rockets of Fantasy Hockey?
K. Algate, Montreal

Lawless - You're almost as weird as your husband.

(editor's note - the only reason the Houston Rockets won the NBA title in 93-94 & 94-95 is because Michael Jordan was retired at the time.)

Q - Can I pitch a tent in your backyard and play with it when no one is watching?
D. Begin, Toronto

Lawless - Only if I can join you.

Q - We know it's your special weekend and everything, but shouldn't this weekend now be called "Subapalooza"?
Everyone

Lawless - I completely understand. I also like Sub more than all of you, so the feeling is more than mutual.

Q - Enjoy your last year of Lawlepalooza. Next year it will be renamed Lawburypalooza. I own you.
Heather T., Toronto

Lawless - Was that a question?

Q - Can I still come next year even though Mulloskey will be home?
Mulqueen aka Ernie, Toronto

Lawless - Probabaly not.

Q - What's the bathroom etiquette for first time attendees? What should I do if I have to drop at deuce at 10am and there's already a line-up for the bathroom?
J. Algate, Toronto

Lawless - Excellent question. You have two options. Use the Outhouse we will have rented or do your business behind Sub's tent. No one will notice.


Q - Is Matty coming this year?
J. McPherson, Ottawa

Lawless - Yes.

Q - I'm out.
J. McPherson, Ottawa

Lawless - can your husband still come?


Q - Can you ask Szabulia if there's room in their tent for me to stay with them. I'm between tents right now.
D. Begin, Toronto

Lawless - I think that makes sense, although I had sex with Chrissy in that tent last year so be advised.


Q - Can I be put in charge of lunch and provide an assortment of shwarma and salami?
B. Dyson, Toronto

Lawless - No weird foreign meat allowed at Lawlepalooza, except Suranyi. And Jules.


Q - Hypothetically, if I crapped my pants in my tent at a previous Lawlepalooza and threw those pants on to the neighbours property before they built that huge garage, do you think my poopy-pants are still under the garage? Hypothetically.
D. Peck, Ottawa

Lawless - My guess would be that Richie probably ate your pants well before the garage was built. Remember this when Richie is licking your face.


Q - the DML was recently cited as the most relevant blog currently on the net. Do you agree with this statement?

J. Sproat, Toronto

Lawless - It's my homepage.