Habs Fan at the DMZ

I still haven't decided who looks the most ridiculous,

but I'm leaning towards the stud on the right.

Setting the Record Straight on Breech

To expose the blatant lies, shoddy journalism and frequent photo fabrication on the Mulloskey weblog, the DML is releasing this authentic photo from our archives. Patrick Breech, aka Bizzaro, aka Coach Breech aka Fatrick Reach-around is featured on the right in this photo taken in March 2008 with members of the DML editorial team celebrating St. Patrick's day.

The DML executive is currently consulting with their legal team and thug squad on the available options if the Mulloskies refuse to retract their unsubstantiated claims that Mr. Breech was recently in Korea. Stay tuned...

The Greatest Site Ever? Or Just The Best?

You be the judge.

The Daily Dyson

WANTED

JULIA TRAU IS WANTED FOR PETTY THEFT IN TORONTO, ONTARIO. DURING MAY OF 2008, TRAU ALLEGEDLY STOLE UNFASHIONABLE SUNGLASSES AND FLED WITH THE MERCHANDISE WHILE THE VICTIM WAS DISTRACTED BY A DELICIOUS SALAMI SANDWICH. SHE WAS LAST SEEN WITH THIS DORK AND HAS BEEN FEATURED ON THIS BLOG HERE AND HERE.

IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION CONCERNING THIS PERSON, PLEASE CONTACT THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES, PAM TRAU, OR THE DML.

Not a Man to be Seen...

... except Matt. Apparently Matty will be watching Sex and the City this weekend instead of one of the more MANLY options available such as Indiana Jones. Enjoy being the only man in the theatre.

The New Indy

In movie news, Sean Mullin, a Korean national hero and hockey team 08, softball team 09 recruitee, has been cast to play Indiana Jones in the fourth installment of the blockbuster action series. Apparently the original Indiana Jones, Harrison Ford, at age 66 has simply become too old for the younger audiences to relate to and was challenged by the physical demands of the role.

Replacing the legendary actor who defined the Indy character will be no small task for Mullin, whose most notable previous hollywood accomplishment was dating Jennifer Garner. When asked why they cast Mullin over big name hollywood stars, George Lucas responded: "Well, our first priority was to get someone who could grow a beard so that immediately excluded Toby McGuire and Tom Cruise. Brad Pitt's agent said he was too busy looking at himself in the mirror and raising the 13 children he stole from developing countries so that really only left Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Matt turned down the role, citing moral disagreements or some other bullsh*t, while Ben was unable to read some of the more complicated words in the script. So, we settled on Sean because he looks good infront of the camera and we figured those long arms of his might make up for his lack of acting experience."

Steven Speilberg also added "Yeah, and his salary demands were quite reasonable. All he asked for was a lifetime supply of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer, fresh cheese every day he was on set and a breast to occasionally suckle. He's a very bizzare man but his enthusiasm for the things he loves is contageous. He spent hours the first time we met him expressing the joy that the Indiana Jones series brought him as a young boy growing up in the suburbs, recalling the finest of details in the movies that even George and myself had missed."

Graciously accepting the offer, Mullin excitedly declared: "Any proceeds from the movie or associated advertising campaigns will be donated back to the great team at the DML for helping to launch my acting career. Also, I would like to thank Doug and say hi Josh!"

Banyay awarded 2007-08 Scott's Turf Builder Award

Softball Team outfielder Szabolcs Banyay has been named the winner of the 2007-08 Scott's Turf Builder Award. The award recognizes Banyay's outstanding performance as a player, his landscaping skills and his dedication to humanitarian efforts.

"The truest test of leadership comes during periods of adversity," said Scott. "When presented with difficult times during the season, Szabolcs Banyay remained committed to his lawn, his girlfriend and if he had time, his teammates. I am honored to present the Scott's Turf Builder Award to Szabolcs Banyay. He understands the importance of his status in Toronto and his dedication to his backyard is unmatched. The strength of his character makes Sub a tremendous role model both on and off his lawn."

"I am honored and humbled to receive this prestigious award," said Banyay. "I thank Scott for this honor as well as my wheelbarrow and teammates for their tremendous support. I strongly believe that an important part of being an athlete is to be a great teammate, leader and landscaper."

Off the field, Banyay has been a member of the Softball Team organization since 2007 and a supporter of the Begin Fund, an organization committed to providing shelter for underprivileged morons in their late-20's.

On the field, Banyay leads the team with a 1.000 batting average and 2.200 Slugging Percentage for a ridiculous OPS of 3.200, and recently applied Scott's Turf Builder to the lawn in his backyard to help control pre- and post-emergent crabgrass.

http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=239104&lid=headline&lpos=topStory_main

Disturbing Mulloskey Art

Creepy Mullin Centaur

A truly disturbing statue we saw in St. Petersburg: A Mullin-like horse man fondles a young boy. His second victim in a week.

That Damn Birthday

The DML would like to take a second out of our extremely important lives to wish our honourary 4th member (and there will only ever be four), a very Happy Birthday.

May your day be filled with good times and bad times with your friends and enemies.

Looks like your friend Matty is about to wish you a Happy Birthday there.

Hi Josh!

Straight?

We're not sure of the origin of this picture, but we're quite confident that there's some handcuffs and lubricant in the vicinity.

Softball Team Stats

Now that "Softball Team" has broken all records and gone an astonishing 4-0 to begin the season, it is time to take a look at the statistics behind those wins.

Game 4 was not an easy game to win, having to come back from a 10-0 deficit to start the game really showed the grit and determination that those teammates possess. Reminds me of one Barry Bonds, who had that same grit and determination to break baseball's Home Run record while trying to balance a vigorous pharmacological ingestion schedule. Now that's dedication.

Ace and Gary to be ReConjoined

Separated at birth, Ace and Gary have decided after 29 years to undergo a dangerous surgery to be physically reattached. Doctors have confirmed that the complicated 8 hour operation will result in a unified and fully functioning brain, something neither Ace nor Gary has had access to since the separation. Although Softball teamates are concerned that this may affect the team's perfect start to the 2008 season, family and friends are overwhelmed with joy that the two will finally be together again. Said close friend Jorson Dydan: "If the miracle of modern medical science can reattach Ace and Gary again, then truly we can find peace in the middle east and end the suffering of children in the world."

Ace and Gary were unavailable for comment.

"We're Ugly and Stupid"

Happy Birthday Douchebag (aka Ace)

Korean Scouting Report

-Seoul, Korea-

Hockey Team 08 and Softball Team 09 prospect Sean Mullin was in fine form yesterday in local club action, shutting out the reigning champions, the Insadong Itaebitawongs. Mullin's Ansan Golden Showers took an early lead in game seven of the hardfought championship series and never looked back.

Said Mullin after the game to reporter and former child television celebrity Gary Coleman, "I would like to thank my fans for their undying support through some difficult times this year" referring to the untimely release of some provocative photos that landed him in deep trouble with the local media.

Mullin's athletic success has been attributed to excessive consumption of Pabst Blue Ribbon Honey Beer combined with a rare medical disorder that has left him with unparalleled arm length. According to teamates, he can basically touch anything within an eight foot radius (demontrated above as he unsuspectingly fondles Coleman).

His impressive wing span also earned him national attention this winter during a daring rescue from the freezing cold waters of lake Baikal, Mongolia. Mullin has since become a national hero in Korea, widely respected among bare-faced Koreans for his Jesus-like appearance and for dating Jennifer Garner behind Ben Affleck's back.

Contract negotiations will continue leading up to Mullin's return to Canada at the end of August.

Struggling Jays sign Banyay

The Toronto Blue Jays signed another player yesterday in an effort to spark their moribund offence.

The Jays picked up outfielder Szabolcs Banyay, who has never played at the Major League level before, and signed him to a two-way contract at the league minimum which is still more than he made working 80 hours a week at BMO.

His arrival could lead to either Shannon Stewart or a bullpen arm being demoted or designated for assignment. The Jays will face a roster crunch when shortstops David Eckstein and John McDonald recover from leg injuries and are activated from the 15-day disabled list.

"We're trying to make ourselves better, yeah, you've always got to do that," said Blue Jays manager John Gibbons, whose club ranked ninth in the American League in runs scored and tied for 10th in home runs heading into last night's game in Cleveland.

Gibbons said Banyay, 28 would likely spell left-fielder Stewart and designated hitter Matt Stairs, particularly against left-handed pitching. Banyay could also play first in place of Lyle Overbay, whom some believe are long lost twin-brothers that were separated at birth. "I thought Lyle was a weird looking dude and now we have a mini-clone of him walking around the clubhouse" said Vernon Wells, adding that "creepy" was the best way to describe their similar appearance.

When reached for comment, Mr. Banyay was quick to boldly declare "I'm going to be the best offensive player on the team this year and the stats will prove that". He also asked if his future mother-in-law would be allowed to accompany the team on roadtrips and if he could take days off to do yard work.

"I Chose Sod over Sports."

If you were over the age of 40, than your teammates would understand. Rolling grass on Saturday shouldn't mean skipping baseball on Sunday. You're a huge embarassing failure.

Softball Team Victorious

Coach Breech seen here with his adoring fans after the glorious Softball Team season opener on Sunday night.

The DML Russian Style

D and L sport funny Russian uniforms. I refused to to take off my favorite Jesus Mullin t-shirt.

Must be the Moustache

Doug. What a bully that guy is.

JB = Big Time Lawyer

Congratulations to the one and only Ms. Jen Brent (aka Amber Atkins aka Shelly) who is officially now a big time lawyer. The DML wishes you many years of litigious joys and triumphs ahead.

p.s. Your services may be called upon if our rival travel blog, "the Mulloskies" assuming that's their real name, keep stealing our interweb content.

This Pabst's For Sean

Big ups to the M in the DML for pointing out that the pointless genius that spews forth from my brain actually has some relevance to an ex boyfriend.

I remember those long lonely nights when all I had for comfort was a hairy Jesus-like man and his love of Pabst.

This one goes out to all you Pabst Blue Ribbon teddy bears out there.

What the Computer Sees

It's great stuff on the DML but don't get too close

Have Some Spare Time?

Come visit us on the DML and feed your addiction.

Can't get enough DML?

Don't worry, you're not alone.

Tan much?

The DML spies happened to catch one of the individuals pictured above at the tanning salon last week. Can you guess which one?

I'm no weather man or tanning expert, but here's a suggestion...the sun is free - go outside.

...and he might look like Jesus

Check out the incredible fresco painting we saw in Moscow recently. I didn't realize those disciples were so handsome and how much Jesus actually looks like Mullin. Blows my mind.

Ace and Gary are going Skydiving!

They should be naturals.

Number One Winner

Thank you for your votes. Thank you Mom and thank you Jesus. Victory would not have been possible without all of your support. It was an honour just to be nominated with my esteemed colleagues, we're all winners here.

Softball Season Starts Soon!

GET EXCITED!

Flattery is an Invitation to Ridicule

From: Douglas Peck

Date: Apr 24, 2008 1:03 PM

Subject: Gold Gold Gold

"OMG what a treat [blah blah blah] great work with the blog...so good, keep it going, and keep it going strong!"

Engagement News!!

The DML congratulates Jules and her giant Hungarian on their recent engagement.

Does anyone know why that creepy guy in the background is so happy?

Alias?

This picture is real.

"The scenery was that of a snowy wilderness. Snow, trees and more snow. The Siberian Taiga forest is vast, seemingly endless and vaguely hypnotic. This was interrupted occasionally by huge factories and small villages, both metres deep in snow. We even saw a nuclear power plant… very Alias."

Does anyone under 35 even watch this show? Is it even on the air still? Do you think J-GAR changes the radio station whenever a J-LO song comes on with Ben in the car? So many questions.

Lets throw this out to our readers for their feedback:

Who's more NOW - Post-prego J-GAR or Post-prego J-LO?

New Links

Check out the new links on the right side of the page.

Next time you're out dogsledding in Mongolia and feel the urge, make sure you check out the DML.

Important Safety Advice for those Travelling on the Transiberian Railway

From all of us at the DML, please take care of yourselves and eachother.

We Robot

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to the folks over at www.sean-erin.com

Hope this year is as good as the last.

It's Monday!!!!!

It's Friday!!

From all of us here at the DML, have a nice weekend. Especially our loyal readers in Australia, Nunavut, Wyoming and Texas.

Awwww Yeahhhhh to the power of 10

Awwww Yeahhhhhh

Doppelgänger?

Wow, I can't believe Mats Sundin and Lyle Overbay attended the same beach party and have the same poor taste in eyewear!!

Who Wins?

Now that the DML has risen to become one of the most respected names in news, it's time to take a look at the composite parts of this publishing behemoth.


Lunan Corporation

For 29 years Lunan has been working in a sweat shop in his family run business. The burns on his arms, hands, shins and buttocks are all evidence of his hard work and fascination with hot metal.


Mulqueen Family Funeral Directors

Know someone who is dead or dying? Try out these seasoned pros. They stuff your loved ones like a thanksgiving turkey.


Dyson Vacuums

Insert mandatory sucking reference here.


Is there a clear winner here? Comments? Complaints? Candy?

The DML Salutes Judes

"This would be an appropriate time to express our warmest (literally) thanks to Erin’s mom Judy. Before leaving for Korea she insisted (despite my protest) on buying Erin and I down hardcore MEC jackets (seen above). Without these amazing coats, we surely would have frozen to death in Mongolia or Siberia, or Korea for that matter. THANK YOU JUDY - you are the best!" - Mulloskey Adventures Abroad, April 10, 2008

Mulloskies Save friends from Freezing Lake Baikal, Siberia

Fighting frigid cold temperatures, Mullin uses his extra arm length to save DML and friends from the frigid water. What a gift to the world that man is!

Scorpion Cobra Juice - In Texas?

Not quite, but close enough...

A Texas man is facing charges for selling liquor without a license after he was found peddling bottles of vodka containing dead baby rattlesnakes.
Bob Popplewell, who runs "Bayou Bob's Brazos River Rattlesnake Ranch" tourist attraction west of Fort Worth, was believed to be selling the vodka in the Asian community, where snakes are seen having aphrodisiac properties, state authorities said.
Popplewell faces misdemeanor charges for not having a liquor license but will not be charged over the 10-inch (25-cm) baby snakes in the bottles.
"I've been with the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission for 20 years," Sergeant Charlie Cloud said. "This is the most bizarre thing I've been involved in."
In some of East Asia, parts of snakes and other animals are thought to have medicinal qualities and are used to make soups, powders and other preparations. In Vietnam, for example, the serpents are added to bottles of rice whisky and wine.
Authorities confiscated 411 bottles of the vodka, which Popplewell was selling for $23 each.
Popplewell, also the state's largest exporter of live turtles to Asia, declined to comment.

Nanners on the Bachelor

Welcome to Week 4 of "Nanners on the Bachelor", its a play on words. Even if you're not a fan of the show, or have never watched it, I can assure you that you'll find her elegant prose entertaining. I think we can also all agree that reading about some english dude trying to nail 25 broads is much more worthwhile than reading about China, foot massages and how Mullin is tall and weird looking. Enjoy.

When in doubt, whip’em out.

We had a few surprises tonight which involved breasts, a shocking rejection and a small meltdown.

Let me briefly outline tonight’s episode:

The group date: This was a stereotypical British setting of tennis and tea. Robin our nut job and future serial killer featured on “48 Hours Mystery” put on a fake British accent to try and impress our Bachelor. It was pretty bad….in particular, her conversation about how her parents “searched the world to find the bestest tea maker in the whole wide world” really got under the other girls skin. Somehow, this attempt at being part British proved to be successful as she was not sent packing last night.

On the group date Chelsea and Malibu Barbie decided to have a gymnastics competition in their skirts. Good one girls, your flexibility and your underwear left a lasting impression on Matt. You may want to keep them around for the overnight dates…

Next, we had Meeps (Amanda) which I don’t think that I had mentioned that she hiccups when she gets nervous… she really held her own on her one on one date. Maybe she didn’t have time to hiccup since she was busy sucking face with our smitten Bachelor. My prediction says this broad makes it to the end…just keep putting out Amanda…I’ve heard that before...

Last but not least, we had our two on one date where two beauties battled it out for Matt’s undying attention. TBC-token black chick (Marshana) and Holly our innocent childrens’author both told Matt that they would immediately pack their belongings and relocate to London without a question. Later, we were able to witness TBC nearly swallow the Bachelor whole in her romantic one on one kiss by the fire. Evidentially, he really enjoys taking risks in life…it was a close one folks…we nearly lost him there. To our amazement our thin lipped Holly was sent packing…I guess her mouth just isn’t big enough for what Matt has in mind.

I would have to say that the highlight of the evening was at the cocktail party just before the rose ceremony when our lush Kelly decided to whip out her breasts mid-convo with Matt. Ladies, when in doubt just whip them out. It’s appropriate in any public setting and especially when you are trying to win over the man you could potentially marry. Lay off the booze my friend…at least for national T.V… Your pole and your Vodka will be waiting for you when you get home. Bye bye little booze hound.

Unfortunately, in addition to sending our lush packing our little songwriter/singer Ashlee, was sent home too. I am always confused when I sing on every date and I never get a call back. Maybe she can take her hurt and anger and turn it into a tragic love ballad and promote her music in subway stations and hotel lobbies all over the world. I do give her a pat on the back to be able to sing while having an emotional breakdown on camera. That is true talent.

Ace and Gary back with NKOTB for the Reunion Tour!

Thanks go to loyal NKOTB fan Jordan (aka reigning Corrupt Cup champion) for this hot newsflash, confirming a rumour that's been circling the interwebnet for weeks.

The End

After 4 consecutive Corrupt Cup Championships (previously the John Kordic Memorial League and Tumbro Memorial Cup), Jordan Lunan has announced his retirement from Fantasy Hockey. Rumour has it that Mulqueen is already lobbying to fill the vacant position in the league, but nobody is really listening or wants him involved. Jordan will be sorely missed and is considered by everyone as the greatest Fantasy Hockey GM in the history of the universe. His statement released to the press earlier this morning is below.

"When I lose the sense of motivation and sense to want to prove something as a basketball player, it's time for me to move away from the game of basketball"
Michael Jordan Oct. 6, 1993

It's with a heavy heart that I am formally announcing my retirement from Fantasy Hockey in order to pursue a career in Fantasy Football.

I'd like to thank my family first and foremost for their patience throughout my career and for supporting me through this difficult decision. I'd also like to thank Commissioner Dyson for his leadership and all of the participants throughout the years that made this league possible. But mostly, I'd like to thank the players that I drafted, traded for and/or signed for helping me achieve the success that I enjoyed over the past 4 championship seasons. Thanks for the memories.

Jordan

aka Puma Swede, Jerry Krause, Sex Panther & GO HABS GO!

Russian Toilet Humour

Brook catches Jordan looking at his weiner. Actually, Jordan's laughing at all the money that he and Brook just took from Sub and Lawless in the hockey pool. I was left out of this fun... as usual.

GhengiSub and Adorable Babies

Check out this incredible statue we saw in Mongolia. The resemblance to Sub is uncanny.




Also, check out this billboard. Strange that they would have western babies on a billboard in Mongolia... but damn those are some handsome youngins.